Not in a Hurry: When Rest Begins With Release
Learning to lay down striving and live as one who is already loved
For a long time, I thought rest had to be earned. That calling meant pressure. That purpose meant hustle.
I thought being a woman of God meant being capable—always composed, always giving, always strong. I carried quiet expectations of what I thought ministry should look like, what I should look like. Somewhere deep down, I believed I needed to prove my value in God’s Kingdom. Prove that women belong. Prove that I belonged.
And so, I strived. I people-pleased. I poured myself out, trying to be enough, all while burning the candle at both ends.
Until it all became too much.
After pushing through health struggles and still trying to hold everything together, I hit a wall. I felt like I had lost my voice, my place, my sense of calling. I felt like I had failed. Everything felt heavy—even the smallest things began to crack me open.
And somewhere amid the exhaustion, I realised: I had confused God’s calling with a list of impossible expectations.
Letting Go of the Ideals
Many of the ideals I was living under weren’t from God. They were shaped by culture, by mixed messages about what it meant to be a woman in ministry, by my own perfectionism.
Growing up in South Africa and later living on campus at seminary, I encountered a wide range of views on women in the Church. Some celebrated women in leadership; others limited them to certain roles. Though my home church was not restrictive, the conflicting voices left their mark. I wrestled deeply with the calling God had placed on my heart, and when I paused my studies, I felt like I’d lost my place—as if I now had to earn it all over again.
But over time, God gently revealed that pause wasn’t failure—it was obedience. That season became a grace-filled space for healing trauma, uncovering shame, and strengthening my body. I now see His hand in the quiet.
It wasn’t until my coaching certification that this journey really took shape. I was gently invited to set aside the unrealistic and unhealthy ideals I’d been carrying—and to name them out loud. Behind each one, I uncovered a lie I’d been believing for far too long:
“You have to earn your worth.”
“You’ve messed up your calling.”
“You’re too much.”
“You’re not enough.”
“God can’t use you now.”
These weren’t just thoughts. They were sticky scripts I replayed again and again. But slowly, God began helping me hold those lies up to the light of the Gospel.
And what I found wasn’t condemnation.
It was freedom.
Shame, Uncovered
So much of my striving was rooted in shame.
I hadn’t seen it clearly at first. But as I read Tired of Being Tired by Jess Connolly and went through the coaching tools, I realized I had been seeking rest in all the wrong places. The book helped me name my specific fatigue, but it was shame that kept me stuck in it.
Later, as I co-wrote a workbook on shame “FRE VON SCHAM” with Melanie Owen and went through it myself, God gently uncovered a truth I hadn’t seen:
I wasn’t just tired. I was trying to earn my place in the Kingdom.
But daughters don’t earn a seat at the table. They’re already home.
An Invitation to Rest
The process has been long. It still feels messy. I still catch myself falling back into patterns of striving. But these days, I come back quicker. I know how to ask better questions. I know how to be with God without needing to prove anything.
Some days, that looks like long quiet mornings in the Word, if by chance the kids sleep in. Other days I am listening to the Bible while preparing everyone’s breakfast and snacks for the day, or scribbling a prayer in my journal during a quiet moment.
And I’ve learned to trust this truth:
"God doesn’t want rest from us. He wants it for us." —Jess Connolly.
He doesn’t need me to show up perfectly. He just wants me to show up. Not because He’s keeping score, but because He knows I need Him. That, without Him, this world really is too much for me.
One song I listen to every morning Not in a Hurry by United Pursuit and Will Reagan captures this beautifully:
“I’m not in a hurry / When it comes to Your Spirit / When it comes to Your presence / When it comes to Your voice / I’m learning to listen / Just to rest in Your nearness / I’m starting to notice / You are speaking…”
I let those words wash over me, slow me down, bring me back to what’s true.
Back to the truth that I am already loved. Already chosen. Already His.
Maybe you need that reminder too.
If you’re tired from trying to prove yourself, striving to be enough, or carrying the weight of unrealistic ideals, there is rest for you.
You don’t have to earn it. Just come home.