Why I Still Believe
A story of hope I can’t keep to myself.
I’ve told bits of my story here and there, snippets of faith, moments of struggle, but never the whole journey in one place. It’s something I’ve carried quietly inside me for a long time. Lately, through my studies and time with God, I feel this gentle nudge, a whisper saying: it’s time to share it all.
My hope is simple: that you’ll feel stirred to reach out, to lean in, to hunger for God in a way that changes everything.
So here’s my invitation—to come as you are, with all your questions, fears, and hopes—and maybe find a peace that quietly breaks through the noise.
Early Encounters
My first experience of church was while I was in Kindergarten, or as we like to say in South Africa, pre-primary school. I had a friend who had invited me to a sleepover at her place one Saturday, and the next morning, I attended church with her family, and we went to the kids’ program together. This was my first time encountering God.
Even at that young age, something in me recognized the truth in the story of Jesus Christ. The gospel came alive to me. I knew without a doubt that this Jesus they were speaking about was the one true God.
I kept going with my friend every Sunday after that. I longed to know more about God. Sunday became the highlight of my week. Eventually, just a few weeks in, I invited Jesus to become King of my heart.
Later, I remember sitting in the adult worship service, even as a kid, on the floor in the front row, because I wanted to hear the Word of God. I longed for more depth than what the kids’ program offered. For me, Jesus was my King, the One who watched over and protected me.
Our Deep Need
As I grew in my understanding of God, I also began to understand something else—something we all must face. There is a deep brokenness in each of us. The Bible calls this sin. It’s not just the wrong things we do—it’s the condition of our hearts, our tendency to choose our own way instead of God’s.
“All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.” — Isaiah 53:6
Sin separates us from God. No amount of good works or effort can bridge the gap. And on our own, we can’t fix it.
But this is why the gospel is such good news.
Jesus came to rescue us, not because we were good enough, but because He loves us. He took the punishment for our sin when He died on the cross. And through His resurrection, He offers us new life—freely, fully, forever.
Family & Formation
For a season, my family attended church with me. But at home, there were trials.
My mom played a crucial role in shaping my faith, even while figuring hers out. Each day before school, she reminded me that God was with me and I wasn’t alone.
Fear was a constant shadow for much of my childhood growing up in South Africa, and, to be honest, it followed me through much of my life. But even in those moments when fear seemed to be overwhelmingly loud, the quiet truth that God was always with me gave me strength. Knowing I wasn’t alone empowered me to face those fears.
My mom’s daily life molded what real repentance and forgiveness looked like. She wasn’t afraid to admit when she was wrong. She was quick to own her mistakes, to say, “I’m sorry,” and to seek reconciliation, no matter how small the conflict.
Watching her humility and honesty shaped me deeply. It taught me that faith isn’t about pretending to be perfect, but about returning to God—and to one another—over and over again. Her faith wasn’t just something she talked about; it was something she lived in front of me every day. That quiet, persistent faith inspired me and gave me the courage to keep pursuing God, even when life was hard or messy.
Middle School Faith
In middle school, we had a weekly class led by local youth leaders from different churches in the area. It was simple: games, stories, and object lessons about faith, but it quickly became my favourite class of the week.
When they invited me to their youth group, I said yes even though I didn’t really know anyone there. I was a little nervous, but honestly, I was too hungry for God to let that stop me. I just wanted to know Him more.
Those early youth group nights marked a turning point. This was a season where my faith began to blossom, to explode, and all that had been quietly formed within me as a child started to come alive.
At home, I’d read my Bible for an hour or two every evening, soaking it all in. God’s Word came alive to me in a whole new way.
Then, when I was fifteen, I chose to be baptized. It was a moment marked by incredible joy, a public declaration that Jesus was Lord and Savior of my life. I remember standing there feeling so much excitement and hope. It felt like finally stepping fully into my faith, saying to God and to everyone watching: I’m yours. I’m all in.
Family Crisis & God's Peace
Later, my parents’ marriage fell apart. My father moved out for good. But even before that, God spoke to me, placing a Bible verse deep in my heart.
Philippians 4:6–7: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
That verse became my anchor.
When my dad left, I felt a strange calm. I knew it was coming, and I was relieved in a way.
At the same time, my mom was in a dark place, struggling with both depression and deep spiritual oppression. She attempted to take her life three times in the space of two weeks. Through all of this, I felt a deep, unexplainable peace, which I can say truly surpassed all understanding.
God’s promise was real to me. Even in that dark valley, I sensed Him saying to me: I am with you.
I had an inner knowing she would be okay. On her last hospital trip, she heard God’s voice audibly, which broke through the darkness and set her free.
Seeing her healing strengthened my faith. I could see God’s power and love in such a real way.
Faith in Broken Places
At nineteen, I was diagnosed with endometriosis. It shook me deeply. Suddenly, the questions flooded in, Why me? Why is God not healing me?
Those questions echoed in the quiet moments, sometimes bringing frustration and confusion.
But through that season, something unexpected happened. Instead of pushing God away, it drew me closer to Him.
I learnt what it really meant to depend fully on God, not just for big miracles, but for strength in the ordinary, for daily grace when I felt weak and pain overwhelmed me.
Shame was another mountain I had to overcome. I wrestled with feelings of unworthiness, like I wasn’t good enough to enter God’s presence or take my place in His Kingdom. I feared that stepping into my calling was prideful, that I didn’t deserve it.
Freedom from that shame didn’t come quickly. It was a slow, often painful journey, a ten-to-eleven-year process that began while I was studying in Seminary. God kept gently leading me back to His Word, over and over again.
Through Scripture, He showed me this truth: I’m not worthy because of anything I do or who I am, but He has made me worthy through the cross.
That truth became my anchor, my freedom, my hope.
Our Greatest Need—and God’s Greatest Gift
Through my journey, I’ve seen this truth again and again: we can’t save ourselves.
We can’t fix our brokenness, erase our sin, or silence our shame on our own.
We all need a Savior.
“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” — Romans 6:23
This is the good news: Jesus came for us.
He took our sin upon Himself. He died in our place. He rose again to give us new life.
“But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” — Romans 5:8
And He invites us—no matter our past or our doubts—to receive Him.
It isn’t about earning His love or proving ourselves worthy. It’s about saying yes to the gift He freely offers.
A Personal Invitation
I’ve lived this story of grace.
Not because I’ve done everything right—but because Jesus met me in my need and hasn’t stopped walking with me since.
If you’ve ever felt unworthy of God’s love or unsure of your place in His Kingdom, hear this:
The God who calls you is the same God who declares you worthy.
Not because of anything you’ve done, but because He chooses you—fully seen, fully known, and still fully loved.
For me, trusting God hasn’t meant having it all figured out. It’s a daily, sometimes messy act of surrender. I still have to choose, over and over, to make Him King of everything in my life—even the parts I want to hold tightly.
But here’s what I’ve learned: He is faithful.
When fear or shame whispers you’re not enough, God’s voice is louder.
And more than anything, I want you to know:
God loves you fiercely. So fiercely that He gave His Son so you could live in freedom, not fear.
If you’ve never said yes to Jesus, I invite you to do that today.
Confess your need. Ask Him to be Lord of your life. He promises to forgive, to heal, and to give you new life—life that lasts forever.
“If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” — Romans 10:9
“Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.” — Romans 10:13
If something in this story spoke to you—if you’re wrestling with feeling unworthy, struggling to trust God, or simply hungry to know Him more—I’d love to hear from you.
Feel free to reply to this post or send me a message.
You’re not alone on this journey. Let’s seek Him together.